i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
