i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
