I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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