Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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