I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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