Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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