Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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