He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
