If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize