I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Randomize
