You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
