just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
