I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
