Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize