Have you finally orgasmed yet?
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
