What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
