When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize