Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Randomize
