And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
