she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
false alarm, still single
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
