She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
