and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
