I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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