Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
tell me about the fingering
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