he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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