New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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