I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
