Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize