I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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