you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
