either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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