so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Randomize
