Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I think I am morally bankrupt
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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