I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I miss vodka workout Fridays
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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