It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
