I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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