Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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