i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You ate ashes out of my bong
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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