did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
