I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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