she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I could make wine with my vomit
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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