I just pynch a tree in the face
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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