I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
