Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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