i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
