just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
