you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
