he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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