I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
