Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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