Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Who did Billy Mays play for?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
