areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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