Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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