Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
