She went from zero to smokin in five shots
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
