On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
