His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
