Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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