I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
