I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
