He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize