When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
