my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
