tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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