(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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