Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
