This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
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