Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
