he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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