I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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