i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
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