i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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