I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize