Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
