she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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