Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize