I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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