i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
