You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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