My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize