just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
