we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
