She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize