I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
