Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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