Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
