Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
