You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
