there was a trapeze. enough said
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize