we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize