At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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