Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
