My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
